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Steve and Linda, who divorced after five years of marriage, realized this on looking back. Neither of us is really good at communicating. I think I am a little better now than when we were dating.

Choosing and Being the Right Spouse

But neither one of us discussed our thoughts and feelings; we would get full of anger and neither one of us would talk. President David O. Good family environments and family relationships tend to lead to good quality marriages by the children; poor family environments and family relationships often foreshadow poor marriages by the children from these homes. Young adults from divorced families, for example, may experience some depression and anger and have trouble trusting or committing to others as a result of the trauma of parental divorce.

Whether their parents divorced or not, some individuals may have been exposed to poor models of communication and conflict resolution in their families. Children from families that were emotionally cold and distant, chaotic, dangerous, unpredictable, detached, full of conflict, or where addictions or violence were chronic problems may need special help in overcoming such an upbringing. Fortunately, however, our backgrounds do not have to control the outcome of our lives or our marriages.

Morally speaking, we can carve the very atmosphere in which we live. The very scriptures that warn of wickedness being passed on unto the third and fourth generation also show the way out of a troubled family background. The Book of Mormon is also full of examples of how to deal with parental influences. The story of the Lamanites who responded to the teaching of Ammon and his brethren is a powerful example of a people who overcame generations of wicked traditions. In brief, the Book of Mormon teaches us that we can overcome these negative effects by having faith in the Lord, allowing ourselves to be taught by inspired leaders, learning the lessons of the scriptures, suffering in patience the afflictions that parents may have brought upon us, and repenting of any of the unrighteous habits and behaviors we may have picked up see Mosiah ; Alma —17 ; Alma , 15 ; Alma ; Hel.

It is important to have family and friends on our side and supportive of the upcoming marriage, Elder Richard L.

Get the right people on the bus in the right seats | Jim Collins

Evans —71 of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles advised. I do not speak so much to the young women as to the young men whose prerogative and responsibility it is to take the lead in this matter. Look for a choice companion, one you can love, honor, and respect, and make a decision. Waiting too long is clearly ill advised. But jumping into marriage too quickly can also be a problem. President Lee advised that a young man not think of marriage until he is able to take care of a family of his own, to be independent.

After thoughtfully and prayerfully considering all of these factors, we must be sure the decision we make is based on inspiration, not infatuation or desperation. As we seek a spiritual confirmation, we need to keep at least five things in mind. Second, we must understand the balance between agency and inspiration.


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After praying and waiting for an answer, I got more frustrated and gave up. The decision to marry Becky always made sense and felt right. I can see now that God had been telling me in my heart and in my mind that it was a good decision. And later, at the time of the ceremony, I had another confirmation that what I was doing was right.

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Third, we may seek several witnesses if we feel the need for additional confirmation. Sometimes we may have difficulty distinguishing between spiritual impressions and our own emotions, desires, or fears.

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A spiritual witness may be confirmed again in various ways. In His infinite love, mercy, and patience, our Heavenly Father is generous with His counsel and response to His children. Fourth, we can learn to discern the differences between inspiration, infatuation, and desperation. Inspiration, as we have already seen, comes when one is living worthily, exercises agency righteously, and studies the situation out carefully. A desire to get away from an unpleasant family situation or fear of failure in school or work can cause someone to look desperately to marriage as a way out of a problem.

Such fears and anxieties often speak so loudly in our minds that we cannot hear the still, small whisperings of the Holy Spirit. Fifth, the spiritual confirmation needs to come to both parties involved. A person should not feel that if his or her prospective partner receives a confirmation, he or she is therefore released from the necessity of seeking a similar personal confirmation. Elder Dallin H.

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I have heard of cases where a young man told a young woman she should marry him because he had received a revelation that she was to be his eternal companion. If this is a true revelation, it will be confirmed directly to the woman if she seeks to know. In the meantime, she is under no obligation to heed it. She should seek her own guidance and make up her own mind. When you're listening to others, you're learning from them.

Sermon: The Wisdom of God - Romans 16, 1 Corinthians 1

To lead with optimism is to be confident, cheerful and positive, leading to openness and opportunity for all. Keep moving, increasing and growing, and pioneering new frontiers. Those around you will gain energy from being part of a dynamic enterprise. Show people they can count on you in good times and bad by living up to your word. Be dependable and consistent.

When you're encouraging, caring and sympathetic and helpful, offering feedback both positive and negative, you give those around you the confidence they need to persist.

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People are reassured by dependability, reliability, credibility and competence. Have faith in those you're leading, and they will have faith in you. Be impartial and open-minded; hold to the value of listening, learning, giving chances and being open to opinions. Be innovative, imaginative, and perceptive. What differentiates great leaders from the rest is they not only have plenty of ideas but also commit to carrying them out.


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Wisdom in leadership is more than just being wise--it's using that wisdom to give insight and inspiration to others. Aim for distinction and virtuosity, motivate yourself to always give your highest quality effort. One test of a true leader is a constant longing and hunger. Always be looking to be more, do more and make a difference in a big way. A devout drive to be dedicated to something bigger than yourself fuels a fierce passion to be help others be successful.